Teenage poetry

Ah, we've all done it. Those wasted, wistful days when our only friend was despair and a tatty notebook.

I have decided to share the only adolescent poetry I recall from my youth. It's an odd mix of unrequited love and practical advice:


Kate Bush
Kate Bush said "come and wallow
In the soft musk of my hollows"
And though I said "fair enough",
I was wary of the fluff.

My three-point diet plan

By popular demand, here is my three-point diet plan. I have lost over stone on it so far, so in my unscientific sample, 100% of those asked said they lost over a stone following this simple method:

1. Only eat what you need. Don't be a greedy fucker.
2. Treat yourself from time to time. A treat is OK because it's not the norm.
3. Don't get in the car every time you need to go anywhere. Walking or cycling is good.

That's it. Off you go.